Sigh..

Sigh

So.. so much has happened lately. My best friend, my best and most loyal companion.. I had to have him put down 2 Months ago. He would of been 7 Years old this year. Bobby looked to sad on the Vet's table and my heart broke hearing him cry. I never felt so alone until that day when Bobby was gone. I sat in the back of the car on the way home. With the radio off. Was quiet just the way I wanted it. I did not sleep for a whole week nearly. I just cried constantly, locked away in my room.

Shortly after I caught some form of Infection. Scabs and spots were all over my face. The doctor said Its being caused by Stress and Depression. So I've been on Antibiotics and Prozac since. The Prozac seems to work. I think. I still feel sad and tired all the time. Alone..

The Infection is clearing up though. I have my face back. But I still feel so alone..

I miss James.. I miss him dearly. I got too attached to him so I cut him out of my life and stopped talking to him. I was scared that I would become the way I was. Constantly talking and being selfish and sexually driven. And I don't want that. I like him for who he is and he's a guy with a kind face and a kind heart. He just listens to you and dose not judge. He wants me to go to Paintball. I may go but I don't really like Paintball. Last time I went I wound up with 3 fractured ribs a sprained ankle and a busted nose. So I'm a little apprehensive. I'm also still a little unsure about being in a large social situation again.

I want to go somewhere Private with him have a 3rd Date and maybe my last. He's probably no longer interested in me and thats fine. I never expect anything any more.. I stopped that after.. well.. earlier this year I got my heart put through a paper shredder and It's not nice. I'm scared.. scared of what may be, what might happen, what wont happen. But I'm also alone..

I need a hug.. 

I need a hug in a warm bed with a great film. And Cherry Cola..

Why?

Why?

So, The guy I mentioned in my first blog. I like him. He's cool. And to be fair I'm happy for the Two Date's we've had. And if that's all I'm going to get then thats alright. But I've been saying to him I'll go to his place and fix his PC up and help him out with refitting it. But I feel SO horrible for the fact each time I say "I'll be round today" or the next day etc something happens and I have to cancel. Each time I cancel it's because my parent's (whom are my only means of transport because I'm flat broke till I get paid and their isnt any direct route to my friends house) decide to postpone my need's because their family take priority with their act's of stupidity.

I've sent him a text and message on FB. But I don't want to talk to him all the time. I feel like I'm nagging or being pushy and grabby. And I also kinda feel like he's upset with me. Like I've done something unforgivable. And I'm scared to talk to him.

Other than all of that, Lodgers.. Oh my god I'd love to just kick the shit out my aunties lodger. I really would. She's Called Tracey. She's a chav with no sense of style or personal hygiene. She just.. fester's.. she sit's around all the time and apparently "Helps around" Like fuck. Whenever I go to my Granddad's or my Auntie's house and she is the only person in the place is a SHIT HOLE and smell's of DEATH. She live's with them because her family treat's her like shit OH BOO FUCKING HOO. They ask her to do basic task's because unlike her they have live's. But whenever she is asked to do something she doesn't do it. Bitch can go cry me a fucking river. She uses the "I'm a lesbian!" Card to gain sympathy. Oh your a Lesbian? Well sorry but no has a fuck in which to give. Do your teeth, get some braces, get a facial, manicure and get your fucking hair sorted. Oh and buy some NEW Clothes. No the SAME FUCKING TRACKSUIT YOU WEAR EVERY DAMN DAY! Also get the fuck out of my aunties house. They are NOT YOUR FAMILY. They are MY FAMILY. Guess what though, She act's as if I'm not part of the family. She actually told me once "He's my Granddad not yours. Their my family not yours" to which I replied "Oh I wasn't aware my auntie gave birth to a degenerate like you. I've been in this family longer than you so please, OFF is the Direction in which I'd like you to fuck".

Oh.. AND PLEASE GET RID OF YOUR FUCKING MILK BOTTLE GLASSES! Bitch contact's and laser eye surgery was invented for a frikken reason... Twatface.

Urgh

Urgh

So, I'm sick. I think, I don't know.

I have these lumps and sores on my neck. It's annoying.

Oh well. I'll get better at some point, I guess.

Well life's been pretty good lately. Next week though.. Thing's will be so cool! If I get to Liverpool though... 

If not then, The week after that! 

So Today marked the 100th Year since the RMS Titanic Sank. And still It haunts me that if the Maid my great-grandmother worked for didn't get sick and took her to the Titanic with her, I might not be here today.

I don't have much to say today but all I can say now is If I get into Liverpool next week I will be VERY happy :) I might take the opportunity to do something so spontaneous I've never done it before.

Such a Stressful Day

Stress.. Man's worst enemy

Urgh. So Today has been a very stressful day basically.
Between my mother throwing a tantrum over my phone being off while I was in a meeting at Job Centre and some punk ass chav giving me hell in ASDA I have had a bad day.






But oh well. I've got two games incoming. One I got for Free and another for £15.


Armada 2526 Supernova and Saints Row The Third.




I will be, VERY Happy when they arrive. Which should be tomorrow :D




Other than that I have this stupid cut on my neck from NOWHERE AT ALL that keeps leaking... Might be infected so I've been applying some antibiotic cream to it.


BUT ANYWAY, SAINTS ROW THE FREAKING THIRD!
My LIFE..Is Complete <3


A Little bitter that Gat get's killed though. But its all cool. Shaundi is all good and well!


Anyway I've got work to do. Got me a babysitting job, £50 :)
That can go to a bill and my dad.

Awkward

Awkward

So.. Today... I went for an "Interview" at a Dog Kennel. I was told it was an interview and to wear casual-smart clothes. So I did. But when I arrived the woman said "You will be starting today but I'd like to see you do a trial so I can see how well you work"

So I got to work.. In my nice clothes.. cleaning dog mess up. I retched a little. And then they let the dog's in. I was told "Small Dog's" and "Puppies" Instead a pack of HUGE dog's come running in and I am scared of Big Dog's... FML

To make things worse I had to lock myself in the cage with a dog when cleaning its cage up. So I got bitten, HARD by a big dog. It bloody hurt!

So I said to the woman at the end of the trial it's not for me and so I left.

So far that's all I've done. I spent the next hour or so disinfecting myself and my clothes and shoes. I'll be going ASDA Later so I might see if any Easter Egg's still exist since  no one got me one on Easter and my parent's couldn't find one for me.

After that I'll just go back to being jobless and pretty much Poor. Although I did get my Job Seeker's today. I might buy something nice for myself after being attacked by big dog's today...

When I'm home I'll just update this little post below this line

                                                                                              


So I went ASDA. Got myself some Cherry Cola. That pleases me a lot. Also got myself something to eat for tea. Was rather impressed with it. Really filled me, Oh and I got chocolate! So yay me!


Tonight I plan on watching Event Horizon. A Sci-Fi Horror Film. I don't normally like Horror film's because I have no one to cuddle with and watch it with me. I'm such a wimp! haha.


Ah well. Tomorrow should be a good day. Today I used the £5 on my GameStation Reward Card to buy a game on the website since in-store I can only use it on Preowned games for some reason... Oh well. Tomorrow it will arrive. And I shall enjoy it.

My First Post

My First Post

Well I suppose this is it. My first post in my little corner of this thing we call the Internet. So vast and large it's like our own little universe.


Today has been a slow day. Woke up to the sound of rain and just sat in my bed for awhile watching it. My cat decided to join me in watching it and we both decided to look down out of the window, to which we we're granted a view of the Tulip's I planted last year.


My Tulip's are..not doing well. Some of them have TBV, Tulip Breaking Virus. Creates fantastic colours but makes them weak. Probably why so many have flopped over like a wilting rose. Sad..


One is doing very well though. It's got no sign of infection at all. I plan on buying more and new bulbs and then planting them with some accessories to keep them safe and standing upright.


Other that that, Today I played some Saints Row the Third. Completed it even. Decided to save Shaundi and Viola since the Daedalus Mission is boring and too easy. After that I decided to do a good reinstall of Spore... that game had so much potential until they had to cut out so much due to tech limitations of 2008 and to make the game easier for people to play.


See now when I was a child a game was supposed to be hard. It made you think and learn. Now game's have tips and tutorial's poping up every second telling you what to do and how to do it.


In a way it kinda explains why some people are... a little dumb. While Playing spore I decided to try and make my creature look like Human's as it evolved. Eventually gave up and just made a quadraped creature with digitigrade locomotion and a dragon like texture. Eventually got to the Space Age. First thing I got to work on was getting access to Terraforming Tools. Spent most of my day turning barren, lifeless chunks of rock into lush, green worlds full of life.




Tomorrow I have a Work Experience Interview. I'm a little worried because of this new thing the Government put in place with Work Experience. I'll still get Job Seeker's Allowance but unless I do this I'll get it taken off me and I'm worried this place will abuse this and make me do all the work no one else wants because I'm technically not a real employee or something like that. But then again, I'm always worried about one thing or another. I shouldn't worry so much. If I'm not worrying about work and money then its my parents. If its not them then its my personal life. I'm not a romantic person. I always fail at that kinda stuff. So I end up overcompensating in other things. Kinda Degrading.


Thinking of that, There is this one person... the first time around it failed because I overcompensated. But I'm looking forward to what might become of us this time around. Two date's so far and I haven't screwed up.. yet.
I've always been a very empathetic person and I can tell that they are sad in a way. It makes me want to just hold them and say "Shh, It's ok. Everything will be just fine". But I probably won't get to do that. But I shouldn't be a pessimist.




Anyway, I'll leave this first and long winded post as it is. And post tomorrow after my Interview.
Good Night.